If you want to make magic, you have to believe in magic. If you don't believe in magic, you should stop reading.
Category: A Life of Art Blog
Goodbye Adrian
Through the echoes of death, love, blood, fear and sad slow tears we rode this goodbye learning that being lost in the unknowable, uncontrollable, unimaginable only brings wordless awe for the mystery of life.
All things happen for incomprehensible reasons. Souls were meant to meet. This soul needed a fleeting chance to feel our love and a name to be complete.
watercolor 16″ x 12″
FEATURED
This painting was featured on the cover of the German magazine raum&zeit May 2016 issue.
http://www.raum-und-zeit.com/shop/lieferbare-raum-zeit/raum-zeit-nr.-201.html
BUY HERE
Original Available: $500 + shipping
Prints available: $75
Email me for details.
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To Nurture a Watercolor
Being pregnant is a victory and triumph. It is a miracle that, even if you experience it differently, is not a simple task. It is complex, complicated, at a point inexplicable and by virtue of this - absolutely awe-inspiring. That accomplishment deserves a loud colorful scream - I did it! I did this! Look at what my body can do! Celebrate!
A Light Embraced
This painting is inspired by a friendship and her vision. To know her, is to know someone embedded in a journey with peace, not just of her own but to those most suffering. And in her journey, her deep strength unseen, her soothing calm beneath the surface. She carefully tends to herself as she rushes to tend yours. Her ability to do this is awe-inspiring.
Borderless Doubt
I don’t know about you, but this has been a difficult week. It is as if I have been traveling for so long that the wonders of the world no longer shine with their marvelous newness. I know what’s happening is awesome, but I just don’t feel it. Once there were highs with each success, now there is just a “BLAH” – done it before.
I have been doubting myself and my goals. Maybe, I’m not good at this. Maybe I can’t possibly make this work. Maybe I was wrong about synchronicity and meaning. Maybe, I need a new high? I’m good at other things, and unlike art, “proven” to be good at it. Seriously, I’m a really good teacher, project manager, designer and other things. I’m an ideal employee.
BUT, it really did seem like when I started sharing my art that I was making not just a good choice, but one that cracked open a view of the world that made everything fall into place. An authentically, meaningful choice.
I’ve been trying. I’ve been coaching myself and telling myself this:
Doubt is a natural part of the artistic process, dance with it.
But doubt is a sucky dance partner, all he does is step on my feet and piss me off and he won’t leave me alone! Grrrrr….
This morning, I woke to two unsolicited messages. Seriously, they were in my inbox when I woke up from two separate but wonderful souls.
One is a cartoon from a friend from: http://themetapicture.com/born-like-an-artist.
And then this one:
“So since I’m still up at 3 this morning, I want to tell you how incredibly beautiful your print is, and how much it means to me. The gold details bring such life to the vivid colors. The curves and circle touch something deeply feminine in me. And the reds and oranges takes the pain and hurt that has been my life-long companion and turned it into beauty. You created art that speaks to my soul, and I will forever be proud to have your work grace my home.”
And there it is again; this is meaningful! This is the right choice.
Dang, it is hard though. It is a boiling pot full of doubt, self-reflection, points of weakness, victory, beauty, vision and giving, giving, giving but… it is the right choice. And there are no borders – it is messy.
More awe-inspiring are two in-tuned people out there who snapped doubt back in place for me this morning. Thank you. Keep doing that to everyone in your life.
I think we all should.
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Daire’s Very Not Perfect and Wonderfully Uncompromising Dragon
Daire’s Dragon
I breath fire, water and stars on rainbows in the moonlight. Who says it can’t be so? I will turn them into air.
Watercolor 18″ x 24″
The Story
This is not a perfect painting. By far, it is a lesson in the art of imperfection. The wobbly line, the chaotic scales, the tail that swells and recedes, the messy colors and shadows, and my incredible frustration with everything about it.
(As I painted this the paper popped off its board, rolled up and buckled. I was too in love with the dragon to stop and try again.)
There are so many mistakes hidden in this painting and there are many, many lessons.
It is not a cartoon, not “high art”, not digitally enhanced or animated and very likely not what you think but maybe what you somehow know is true.
It is my son’s wholehearted and exuberant belief that he can have everything including the “impossible” and “magical”.
And like him, we need impractical, imperfect, uncompromising magic. Yes, you do. Because life is only explicable to a point. That blank space, the “I don’t know”, the “science can’t explain”, is where magic thrives, and this dragon lives folding her wings welcoming us to understand this:
We are creatures of magic; the everyday act of living.
As I worked through the frustration of this very not perfect yet uncompromising painting I began to believe this as well:
Perfection is the enemy of magic.
We have had it all wrong.
There is no such thing as “perfection”.
And that is real life magic.
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Original Available: $400
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In Search of the *Perfect* Companion
Meet Hate.
Hate is a very time consuming, energy sucking, and destructive pet. Not only does he ruin every rug in the house, pilfer every cabinet and consume all food; he is sure to eventually eat you. And you will be Dead.
For this reason, I do not recommend Hate. When you are in sustained pain or in a series of painful events, Hate may lurk under the porch light. My advice, let pain swell, listen to Hate knocking, but leave him at the door. He is not for you. You are better off.
No Pain is better than Hate. But being the absence of something is boring and shapeless. It is the epitome of “Eh” with a shoulder shrug. No Pain is numb, dull, anesthetized and blobby. No Pain will not kill you but will definitely waste your time and life.
If you are looking for a permanent companion, I do not recommend No Pain. There may be moments when you welcome No Pain; after a visit from Hate, or a really tough day at work or in the family. But No Pain should always be a temporary acquaintance.
I guarantee you will love Love. Everyone loves Love. Love feels good, warm, comfortable, life affirming and joyful. Love is a warm kiss and hug, a cup of hot chocolate, a cuddle, a heart bursting life affirmation, a good laugh, a connection and a purpose. Love promises much and can deliver on it and more.
I promise, you will be happy with this companion. Love is an excellent choice.
But, Love is only as good as her conditions.
For an even better life companion, I recommend a special crossbreed that will bring all the benefits of Love plus a thousand more. This crossbreed brings purpose, satisfaction, energy, empowerment, meaning, wisdom and unconditional Love. She may not be as beautiful, neat or symmetrical as Love, but this partnership will change your world, challenge you and return more than you expected.
This happens when Love is bred with a healthy understanding and acceptance of your Fear.
Warning: This interbreeding takes time, tending, reflection, constant care and a lot of forgiveness. But, it is when these two opposites interbreed that a life of magic can unfold. When you commit to live with Love while embracing your Fear, you are unstoppable.
This is living with Courage, a perfect companion.
A Rite of Passage
We should celebrate baseline mammograms like a birthday, anniversary or graduation.
Mammograms usher in a new era. Let’s make it official and celebrate. In this era, I take the bodies of my friends and loved ones who age with me side by side. A party is necessary.
Technically, I “do not have a history of breast or ovarian cancer” in my family. This is routine.
But, I have a history of cancer; ovarian, breast or otherwise.
- I remember the colleague who passed away from breast cancer within a year of our first meeting. Shockingly quickly.
- I sting when I think of a younger acquaintance whose breast cancer returned just yesterday.
- My heart aches for a beloved colleague as she forges her legacy in the face of stage 4 cancer.
- At 49, my father died of gall bladder cancer. With this birthday I have entered the decade in which he passed. This does not escape me.
- And others…
I have a history of cancer. I own this history.
This is what I speak of when I say a mammogram is sign of turning 40. Aging brings the continual pile of stories and we are wise to listen.
So when the technician pointed at her screen and said, “Here, come and look at this.” I held my boiling feelings in check. She was painfully inscrutable.
I looked and thought how achingly beautiful.
That was my breast with lovely web-like trestles, like palm prints, keeping history. That was my opaque muscle cradling it. That was my story; my puberty, my first bra, my sexuality, the humble pride, my first love, the assault and guilt, the sun bathing, my cleavage, the tight-or-loose shirt, swollen from pregnancy, aching from breastfeeding, my milk-giving children’s body, cradling them then slowly turning away and now my own but never the same. And now to be examined indefinitely.
We should celebrate a baseline mammogram because left unto themselves, they sting and stench of aging and forgetting.
But if we listen, they tell our stories and we are all wise to listen.
I should mention, the technician wanted to show me my pectoral muscle which extends significantly longer than average and revealed my “tremendous upper body strength.” Another story in the mammogram.
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Love is Not Mine
What if... Love is a chemical reaction that occurs when I discard my likes and surrender to love?
Goodbye Adrian: A Story of Miscarriage (Jan 2015)
Through the echoes of death, love, blood, fear and sad slow tears we rode this goodbye learning that being lost in the unknowable, uncontrollable, unimaginable only brings wordless awe for the mystery of life.
All things happen for incomprehensible reasons. Souls were meant to meet. This soul needed a fleeting chance to feel our love and a name to be complete.
watercolor 16″ x 12″
about My Miscarriage
In 2008, I miscarried. I sensed something was wrong and an early 7 week ultrasound proved the pregnancy was not viable. Adrian had not developed past 5 weeks. We grieved; our already-named baby, our hopes, our plans for our kids and our imaginary family.
I waited for the miscarriage to happen naturally.
Week by week went by and nothing happened. I still felt pregnant, I was nauseous and irritable. My confused body still wanted to tend to the Adrian’s lifeless form. I felt weak, tired and sad in my waiting. It was a time of intense numbness and many tears.
After 4 weeks, I began to miscarry and it went terribly wrong. The bleeding was too heavy. At the ER waiting room it went from somewhat concerning to intense and scary. I passed out. A black, cold, viscous faint that sucked my life force and took away my capacity to think. I lost far too much blood.
I was revived and received an emergency D & C. When I woke from the operation, I was enveloped in a deep sadness. Adrian almost took me with him. I felt stuck and empty from the violent parting. My capacity to create life had almost taken my own life.
It is not a coincidence that I became pregnant with my son the same month that Adrian would have been born. It was our last goodbye and parting blessing.
Miscarriage is a silent and common grief many women bare. At least 10% – 35% pregnancies are estimated to end preemptively.
FEATURED
This painting was featured on the cover of the German magazine raum&zeit May 2016 issue.
http://www.raum-und-zeit.com/shop/lieferbare-raum-zeit/raum-zeit-nr.-201.html
BUY HERE
Original Available: $500
Prints Available: $75
Email me for details.
CONTACT ME
E-MAIL LIST
Join my E-mail List Here to get current news of events and special deals. I respect your privacy and will not share this information with others.
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