Category: A Life of Art Blog

February 23, 2015

Daire’s Very Not Perfect and Wonderfully Uncompromising Dragon

Daire’s Dragon (c) Marika Reinke 2015

Daire’s Dragon

I breath fire, water and stars on rainbows in the moonlight. Who says it can’t be so? I will turn them into air.

Watercolor 18″ x 24″

The Story

This is not a perfect painting. By far, it is a lesson in the art of imperfection. The wobbly line, the chaotic scales, the tail that swells and recedes, the messy colors and shadows, and my incredible frustration with everything about it.

Dragon Tail detail

Dragon Head Detail

(As I painted this the paper popped off its board, rolled up and buckled. I was too in love with the dragon to stop and try again.)

It popped off the board and curled

There are so many mistakes hidden in this painting and there are many, many lessons.

It is not a cartoon, not “high art”, not digitally enhanced or animated and very likely not what you think but maybe what you somehow know is true.

It is my son’s wholehearted and exuberant belief that he can have everything including the “impossible” and “magical”.

And like him, we need impractical, imperfect, uncompromising magic. Yes, you do. Because life is only explicable to a point. That blank space, the “I don’t know”, the “science can’t explain”, is where magic thrives, and this dragon lives folding her wings welcoming us to understand this:

We are creatures of magic; the everyday act of living.

As I worked through the frustration of this very not perfect yet uncompromising painting I began to believe this as well:

Perfection is the enemy of magic.

We have had it all wrong.

There is no such thing as “perfection”.

And that is real life magic.

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Original Available: $400

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February 19, 2015

In Search of the Perfect Companion

Meet Hate.

Hate (c) Marika Reinke 2015

Hate is a very time consuming, energy sucking, and destructive pet. Not only does he ruin every rug in the house, pilfer every cabinet and consume all food; he is sure to eventually eat you. And you will be Dead.

For this reason, I do not recommend Hate. When you are in sustained pain or in a series of painful events, Hate may lurk under the porch light. My advice, let pain swell, listen to Hate knocking, but leave him at the door. He is not for you. You are better off.

No Pain is better than Hate. But being the absence of something is boring and shapeless. It is the epitome of “Eh” with a shoulder shrug. No Pain is numb, dull, anesthetized and blobby. No Pain will not kill you but will definitely waste your time and life.

No Pain (c) Marika Reinke 2015

If you are looking for a permanent companion, I do not recommend No Pain. There may be moments when you welcome No Pain; after a visit from Hate, or a really tough day at work or in the family. But No Pain should always be a temporary acquaintance.

I guarantee you will love Love. Everyone loves Love. Love feels good, warm, comfortable, life affirming and joyful. Love is a warm kiss and hug, a cup of hot chocolate, a cuddle, a heart bursting life affirmation, a good laugh, a connection and a purpose. Love promises much and can deliver on it and more.

Love (c) Marika Reinke 2015

I promise, you will be happy with this companion. Love is an excellent choice.

But, Love is only as good as her conditions.

For an even better life companion, I recommend a special crossbreed that will bring all the benefits of Love plus a thousand more. This crossbreed brings purpose, satisfaction, energy, empowerment, meaning, wisdom and unconditional Love. She may not be as beautiful, neat or symmetrical as Love, but this partnership will change your world, challenge you and return more than you expected.

This happens when Love is bred with a healthy understanding and acceptance of your Fear.

Love Interbred with Fear (c) Marika Reinke 2015

Warning: This interbreeding takes time, tending, reflection, constant care and a lot of forgiveness. But, it is when these two opposites interbreed that a life of magic can unfold. When you commit to live with Love while embracing your Fear, you are unstoppable.

This is living with Courage, a perfect companion.

Courage (c) Marika Reinke 2015

February 15, 2015

A Rite of Passage

We should celebrate baseline mammograms like a birthday, anniversary or graduation.

Mammograms usher in a new era. Let’s make it official and celebrate. In this era, I take the bodies of my friends and loved ones who age with me side by side. A party is necessary.

Technically, I “do not have a history of breast or ovarian cancer” in my family. This is routine.

But, I have a history of cancer; ovarian, breast or otherwise.

I remember the colleague who passed away from breast cancer within a year of our first meeting. Shockingly quickly.
I sting when I think of a younger acquaintance whose breast cancer returned just yesterday.
My heart aches for a beloved colleague as she forges her legacy in the face of stage 4 cancer.
At 49, my father died of gall bladder cancer. With this birthday I have entered the decade in which he passed. This does not escape me.
And others…

I have a history of cancer. I own this history.

This is what I speak of when I say a mammogram is sign of turning 40. Aging brings the continual pile of stories and we are wise to listen.

So when the technician pointed at her screen and said, “Here, come and look at this.” I held my boiling feelings in check. She was painfully inscrutable.

I looked and thought how achingly beautiful.

That was my breast with lovely web-like trestles, like palm prints, keeping history. That was my opaque muscle cradling it. That was my story; my puberty, my first bra, my sexuality, the humble pride, my first love, the assault and guilt, the sun bathing, my cleavage, the tight-or-loose shirt, swollen from pregnancy, aching from breastfeeding, my milk-giving children’s body, cradling them then slowly turning away and now my own but never the same. And now to be examined indefinitely.

We should celebrate a baseline mammogram because left unto themselves, they sting and stench of aging and forgetting.

But if we listen, they tell our stories and we are all wise to listen.

My Mammogram sketch (c) Marika Reinke 2015

I should mention, the technician wanted to show me my pectoral muscle which extends significantly longer than average and revealed my “tremendous upper body strength.” Another story in the mammogram.

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February 11, 2015

Love is Not Mine

What if... Love is a chemical reaction that occurs when I discard my likes and surrender to love?

February 6, 2015

Goodbye Adrian: A Story of Miscarriage (Jan 2015)

Goodbye Adrian: A Story of Miscarriage (c) Marika Reinke 2015

Through the echoes of death, love, blood, fear and sad slow tears we rode this goodbye learning that being lost in the unknowable, uncontrollable, unimaginable only brings wordless awe for the mystery of life.

All things happen for incomprehensible reasons. Souls were meant to meet. This soul needed a fleeting chance to feel our love and a name to be complete.

watercolor 16″ x 12″

about My Miscarriage

In 2008, I miscarried. I sensed something was wrong and an early 7 week ultrasound proved the pregnancy was not viable. Adrian had not developed past 5 weeks. We grieved; our already-named baby, our hopes, our plans for our kids and our imaginary family.

I waited for the miscarriage to happen naturally.

Week by week went by and nothing happened. I still felt pregnant, I was nauseous and irritable. My confused body still wanted to tend to the Adrian’s lifeless form. I felt weak, tired and sad in my waiting. It was a time of intense numbness and many tears.

After 4 weeks, I began to miscarry and it went terribly wrong. The bleeding was too heavy. At the ER waiting room it went from somewhat concerning to intense and scary. I passed out. A black, cold, viscous faint that sucked my life force and took away my capacity to think. I lost far too much blood.

I was revived and received an emergency D & C. When I woke from the operation, I was enveloped in a deep sadness. Adrian almost took me with him. I felt stuck and empty from the violent parting. My capacity to create life had almost taken my own life.

Untitled Chaos (c) Marika Reinke 2008 – I painted after I miscarried 2008.

It is not a coincidence that I became pregnant with my son the same month that Adrian would have been born. It was our last goodbye and parting blessing.

Miscarriage is a silent and common grief many women bare. At least 10% – 35% pregnancies are estimated to end preemptively.

FEATURED

This painting was featured on the cover of the German magazine raum&zeit May 2016 issue.

http://www.raum-und-zeit.com/shop/lieferbare-raum-zeit/raum-zeit-nr.-201.html

BUY HERE

Original Available: $500

Prints Available: $75

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February 2, 2015

Release of Reflections: January 2015 Newsletter

I’m molting.

I’m shedding my academic skin. That grainy, rough, sand paper gruffness that made me twitchy and ill, is peeling off.

The faculty identity; the”academic way”, the theory, the anti-theory, the critiques, the teaching vs research, the political injustice, the impress my peers, the sexism, the organizational chaos, the anointed tenure, the intellectual snobbery and the angst. The Past.

Ten years is a long time to grow a thick skin. A skin with clinging callouses, stinging scars and itchy rashes. I’m tearing that skin away.

I’m remembering what is underneath.

My favorite part of my January 2015 Reflections Newsletter – Marika Reinke is the Map of Healing (pages 1-3). Due to my constant state of change, expect other newsletters to adjust accordingly. I’m only about 95% away from finding that person underneath.

Click here for the Newsletter: January 2015 Reflections Newsletter – Marika Reinke

Those of you on my mailing list will receive a printed version along with some other goodies. See below if you would like to join my mailing list.

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January 29, 2015

Tied in Knots

: Tied in Knots (c) Marika Reinke 2015

habits are an impenetrable bind

Watercolor 8″ x 5″

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But Tied in Knots Here

Original Painting: $55 with frame

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January 29, 2015

Scream. Cry. Love. Hate. Repeat

Daire’s Dragon Photo 4 (c) Marika Reinke 2015

Prologue

I’ve been sporadically working on my son’s Dragon and have some in-progress pictures here. I was inspired by a picture he drew with passionate energy. The post has been a lovely vignette of an enchanting kids painting in-progress (written with a touch of sarcasm).

But now

I could scream

Maybe I did. I can’t remember clearly. There was a rush of something – maybe adrenaline – that clouded my vision, my heart beat accelerated and a trembling wave of shock radiated from my chest. Thinking rationally – gone. Control of my hands – gone.

The watercolor has a mind of its own! I can’t control it! Oh My God! Its running all the way into the green! The yellow! Oh no the yellow! All the hours in this painting lost. Where are the Q-Tips! They aren’t working! F*ck Watercolors!

I dropped the Q-Tips and brushes.

I. Must. Walk. Away.

Breathe.

I hate this painting

It is so trite and cliche. I’ve seen it before, not original, definitely done somewhere else by someone else more skilled. A kids vision. Not sophisticated. I’m stealing his vision because I have no vision. I’m an idiot in over my head. The rainbow is too much, I can’t handle it. This is taking me too long.

I love this Painting

I love the story. I love my son. I love the way this painting has pushed me. I love the crazy colors. I love that Daire made the lower jaw bigger because when the dragon closes his mouth you can’t see how big his teeth are. I love that he breathes fire and water and stars. The dragon has no arms. Poor little arm-less dragon, I love you.

Sigh.

And Repeat.

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January 28, 2015

Seashell Collection

Seashell Collection (c) Marika Reinke 2015

Jewels tempting tiny hands.

A code mosaic.

Secret art lockets conveying underwater messages.

watercolor 8″ x 5″

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January 26, 2015

Break Through

Break Through (c) Marika Reinke 2015

Growth emerges in surprising places. A bloom can crack concrete or fire. The rigid is lost as life flexes and expands; an articulate chaos, inscrutable design, unstoppable change.

Watercolor 8″ x 5″

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