Tag: friends

Borderless Doubt

I don’t know about you, but this has been a difficult week. It is as if I have been traveling for so long that the wonders of the world no longer shine with their marvelous newness.  I know what’s happening is awesome, but I just don’t feel it.   Once there were highs with each success, now there is just a “BLAH” – done it before.

I have been doubting myself and my goals.  Maybe, I’m not good at this.  Maybe I can’t possibly make this work.   Maybe I was wrong about synchronicity and meaning.  Maybe, I need a new high? I’m good at other things, and unlike art, “proven” to be good at it. Seriously, I’m a really good teacher, project manager, designer and other things.  I’m an ideal employee.

BUT, it really did seem like when I started sharing my art that I was making not just a good choice, but one that cracked open a view of the world that made everything fall into place.  An authentically, meaningful choice.  

I’ve been trying.  I’ve been coaching myself and telling myself this:

 Doubt is a natural part of the artistic process, dance with it.  

But doubt is a sucky dance partner, all he does is step on my feet and piss me off and he won’t leave me alone!  Grrrrr….

This morning, I woke to two unsolicited messages.  Seriously, they were in my inbox when I woke up from two separate but wonderful souls.

One is a cartoon from a friend from: http://themetapicture.com/born-like-an-artist.

Born Like an Artist - http://themetapicture.com/born-like-an-artist/
Born Like an Artist – http://themetapicture.com/born-like-an-artist/

And then this one:

“So since I’m still up at 3 this morning, I want to tell you how incredibly beautiful your print is, and how much it means to me. The gold details bring such life to the vivid colors. The curves and circle touch something deeply feminine in me. And the reds and oranges takes the pain and hurt that has been my life-long companion and turned it into beauty. You created art that speaks to my soul, and I will forever be proud to have your work grace my home.”

Garden on Fire Detail (C) Marika Reinke
Garden on Fire Detail (C) Marika Reinke

And there it is again; this is meaningful!  This is the right choice.  

Dang, it is hard though.  It is a boiling pot full of doubt, self-reflection, points of weakness, victory, beauty, vision and giving, giving, giving but… it is the right choice. And there are no borders – it is messy.

More awe-inspiring are two in-tuned people out there who snapped doubt back in place for me this morning.  Thank you.  Keep doing that to everyone in your life.

I think we all should.


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2010/11 Bear in Ballard

2010: Bear in Sprinkle Park copyright Marika Reinke
2010: Bear in Sprinkle Park copyright Marika Reinke
2011: Bear and Dragon copyright Marika Reinke
2011: Bear and Dragon copyright Marika Reinke

My friend wrote a children’s story, Bear in Ballard, based on the true story of a bear spotted on the streets of Ballard a few years ago. The story depicts the bear as it cavorts and explores major landmarks in the area like Cupcake Royale and the Locks. She flattered and intimidated me when she asked me to illustrate it. Though I had my doubts, I love this friend and admire her spirit and vision. I wanted to work with her so I agreed. I finished two illustrations. Bear and Dragon is an interpretation of an elementary school playground. Bear in Sprinkle Park takes place by the library being led by the moon and followed by a police dog.

Unfortunately, we didn’t finish this project. But the project taught me how to merge my style with story telling, a true challenge.

Three friendships lost 3 copyright Marika reinke

2014 Three Friendships Lost

2014: Three Friendships Lost copyright Marika Reinke
2014: Three Friendships Lost copyright Marika Reinke

Between 2008-2010 I slowly lost three important friendships. One burst open in an angry fight. The other simmered out after a timid attempt at conflict resolution belied by righteousness. The final one slipped into distance and silence. In each instance, I was not ready for the friendship to end but powerless to stop it. Blinded by misunderstood perspectives, three people I had fallen in love with let me go. My heartache and biting pain knew the truth; I did not give them what they needed. Sometimes I cannot give, sometimes I expect others to give, sometimes I need telepathy and other times solitude. I love them and they are beautiful people.

3 base colors. 3 paint brushes. 3 paintings.

3 painting on 5 1/2″ by 8 1/2″