When I receive this text: “Do you have a painting for a hysterectomy?”
“Why, of course I do.”
And then I said goodbye to this sweet painting this morning. SOLD. I love that she has a new home and love everything this painting gave me.
Fertility by Marika Reinke
This is a place of gratitude and unpeeling place of wonder.
You devotedly received her everything; visceral love, familial strength, earthly creation and boundless, mysterious motherhood. They seed securely in your cosmos; timeless and ancestral.
This place has done her selfless duty and given until she needed to no longer.
This is a place of love and a place of beauty. A place for pocket-shrines and vistas in her name.
13” x 10” Watercolor
Fertility by Marika Reinke 2017Fertility by Marika Reinke 2005 (c)Fertility by Marika Reinke 2005 (c)
Loss is felt as much as for what we have as for what we think we could have had. A wound and scar, internally, spiritually, emotionally. We carry on, even thrive, but the wound reverberates.
Watercolor 19″ x 19″
Original is Sold.
This painting was a commission. My client wanted me to paint the feeling of loss that comes from a wound unreconciled. Both visceral and emotional. A tight twinning of psychology and body.
Are you looking for inspiration? A little down to earth reflection and renewal? Want to stay current on what’s new and what to expect from Marika? My emails are food for thought packaged with color, soul and humor.
I dislike the word “disabled” and the word “disorder” is just as bad. These words focus on the many ways someone is not <some “normal” trait> which can be fairly translated as not mediocre. Words like “disabled” and “disorder” reveal weepingly dysfunctional thinking. Sadly, they are hurtful. Yet they are institutional terms we pretend are stripped of emotional impact.
Why focus on “not”? Why not reveal the strengths and nuance? Why not celebrate not mediocre?
So it is with dyslexia which at root means having difficulty reading. Many of you likely believe that it means someone who has difficulty keeping words still on the page.
What is not well known is that this common assumption is not always true and more interesting is this difficulty keeping a word still on page is a symptom of a fascinating, beautiful, amazing talent.
Research has emerged that dyslexics are particularly advantaged in a bouquet of abilities and one of them is three dimensional spatial reasoning. A high percentage of architects, engineers, artists are dyslexic (Leonardo DiVinci was all three and dyslexic). They are genius visual thinkers.
The problem: a word on a page is two-dimensional and highly symbolic. A dyslexic intuitively seeks to understand the word by picking it up with his/her mind, turning it around, understanding it on a contextual three-dimensional level. This strategy works in almost any other context but symbols on paper. And this strength, that will help a dyslexic excel in construction, sculpture, problem solving, visual reasoning, creativity, management, advanced mathematical concepts and even planning will only send them down the path of failure at a traditional school.
Disabled is not the word I would use to describe a dyslexic. Perhaps it suits the education system better. It is certainly not a just system.
Those strengths are not assessed in school but in the real world, watch out. A dyslexic will score 30% higher on a creativity test than a “normal” person. 35% of entrepreneurs are dyslexic. Some of the most creative thinkers and leaders are dyslexic; Einstein, Henry Ford, Charles Schwab, Winston Churchill, Ann Rice and John Irving. A blind sample of the population, regardless of gender or culture reveals that up to 20% of the population is dyslexic. (See Reading List below.)
My son is dyslexic.
This also means he is a right-brain visual thinker with weak neural circuitry to his left brain language processing center. He is six and in kindergarten. It is a research-bound fact that if he is taught with a functional multi-sensory explicit phonics-based teaching approach now, he has a high chance to learn to read just as well if not better than his peers. Currently, schools tend to eschew this method because the assumption is it isn’t fun, familiar or popular though more children can learn to read and become better spellers with this method.
So, if your learning style isn’t fun, you are out of luck? And the “disorder” award goes to…?
Most importantly, a dyslexic mind is a Beautiful Mind.
A Beautiful Mind (c) Marika Reinke 2015Three 10″ x 7″ Watercolors (c) Marika Reinke
Achingly so.
It is a world of exploding visual imagery. It is a space of diffuse connections, creative problem solving, intuition, enhanced awareness and rapid analysis. But it is a wordless, though not silent, world. A dyslexic does not reason verbally. Words come later on, after the unfolding imagery has revealed sometimes astounding insight.
A Trapped Word
A Trapped Word (c) Marika Reinke 2015
It is difficult for a dyslexic to access the right word while speaking. The clutter of visual imagery, the diffuse connections stall the verbal processing and the neural connection just isn’t as tight as the images, sounds, emotions, patterns that are dancing in their thoughts. A word is trapped. It can not come loose. But don’t mistake this for a still mind, this mind is dancing in the jittery shadows, clutching its fluid jail bars and searching for a pattern to un-rip and let loose the word.
A Word Unraveling
A Word Unraveling (c) Marika Reinke 2015
This brain will always process words differently. Because a dyslexic’s strength is diffuse connections, every word is layered with an explosion of meaning. Not just synonyms, but pictures, experiences, sounds, patterns, physical feelings and emotions. The word unravels into an explosion of possibility and meanings. A mind capable of turning over so many possibilities means a deeper understanding of a single word. The trade off for a deeper understanding is speed, reading will often be slower, but comprehension is so much richer.
An Intuitive Leap
An Intuitive Leap (c) Marika Reinke 2015
Because the gift of dyslexia includes a rich internal visual reasoning capacity, a dyslexic will often come to amazing intuitive conclusions that reveal a rich and complete understanding as well as astounding creativity. These insight can appear like flukes, because to us this mind can’t seem to properly verbalize or read a simple word like “it”. But they are not flukes. They are the result of complex and rapid processing undefinable by words. They are the result of a thinking system unrestrained by the limits of symbolic and analytical language.
My Son and I
My son continues to inspire me. I’m so thankful to have identified this early. More importantly, I’m grateful for what he teaches me about the brain, creativity, intuition, problem solving and teaching. And Love.
The OriginalA Beautiful Mind is available for sale as a triptych (all three): $350 Prints of All Three: $75 A Single Print of one of the three: $35 5″ x 7″ Cards are available to order. Pack of 10: $35. Please specify if you want the triptych or a single image.
Are you looking for inspiration? A little down to earth reflection and renewal? Want to stay current on what’s new and what to expect from Marika? My emails are food for thought packaged with color, soul and humor.
But here’s a challenge: define Beauty. And why does it matter?
I intuit Beauty is important to the human experience. I’m sure some happiness researcher has done a study that shows Beauty is important to cultivating happiness. And geesh, happiness is so important these days that scientists study it. The magic happiness pill makes lots of money.
Beauty is healing too. And Beauty is more.
Here is a story
I’ve started to sell a little on Etsy. A customer approached me in a conversation about a print Fertility. She has been having a hard time conceiving and she wanted a piece of art that would help her imagine conceiving but also a healthy reproductive system. She wanted to know what my thought process was going into this painting.
Fertility (c) Marika Reinke
It took me a year to conceive my daughter. I relate to this struggle. It was one of my most difficult times.
Here is my response.
I painted this when I was having a hard time conceiving as well. It is such an exhaustingly emotional and baffling time. I didn’t know what was wrong or if there was something wrong. It was just hard and trying and gut wrenching. As you know. I was learning a different relationship with my body. I didn’t have full control of it. I was powerless in a way I never expected.
With this painting I was trying to imagine what my body looked like from within. I was learning to love me as I was. That it could be beautiful, not a scientific drawing, an x-Ray or broken somehow. It was and is amazing.
So it is a painting of a beautiful womb, artistically experienced (not scientifically rendered) from the heart. There are ovaries, and layers of red, shapes of the feminine ovals, circles and hearts. It is a place of love and power as it is. It is a place of potential.
There are suggestions of implantation. Yes. At the time that was my dream. But not a reality.
The blues are deeply soothing and mark and frame the womb. They bring power and contrast to the subject. They are organic shapes to suggest movement, other organs and life. I love that you see feathers! Yes!
Personally, I love the colors in this painting.
For my limited edition prints, I will hand highlight and embellish the painting with iridescent paints, silver or gold. If you have an idea you would like me to embed in the painting when I do this, I’d be honored to mark it that way for you as well. I embellish them when the order comes in. If you decided to purchase it, just send me a message and I can do this. They are high quality prints on watercolor paper and take this paint beautifully.
My hope is that it would help give you some peace and self-love in a difficult time and it would be meaningful for you as well.
In all, we exchanged 37 messages. By the 6th or 7th exchange she purchased a print. For the next dozen or so, we exchanged messages on how to hand embellish the print. This customer took full ownership of her print, directing me to mix a 1:1 ratio of gold and silver and very specifically directing me to the places she wanted highlighted. Here is the result:
Fertility highlighted (c) Marika Reinke
I loved the exchange. We collaborated and connected. As we communicated, I learned about her and her trying time. I have deep empathy and hope for her. I hope that she loves herself and through her process she becomes a mother.
Equally, the process made us both vulnerable. I had hopes this print would bring her peace and support. She had hope this print would touch her and bring her beauty, healing, peace in an emotionally exhausting time.
I mailed the print and we waited, holding our breath that our hopes would be realized.
Here is the beginning of her 5 star review. I say we succeeded:
“When I saw my painting I could not restrain tears of joy and hope that filled me up. Thank you, Marika, for a beautiful custom work! …”Read more here (In my opinion, it’s a good read).
But also this is Beauty. Not just Art the Product, but the Whole Process. Beauty.
How to describe the climbers’ magic? To persevere, to embrace challenge, to un-puzzle rock, to conquer fear and reach uncatchable vistas and beauty. Adventurers who explore their inner-life landscape with earth’s stone-maps. An ultimate union.
Watercolor 7″ x 12″
To Buy
This painting will be available to buy at Art in the Park in South Lake Union May 7th, 2015 from 11-6 with a frame. $100
climbers in frame
9′ x 12″ prints will be available. I will be able to customize the background and highlight with gold, silver and iridescent colors for $45
This was my first thought when my husband suggested this project. I’ve done the graphic design thing. I worked at a firm at one point. I’ve taught design and related software. I really respect graphic designers. It’s a lot of work, talent, persistence, thought, completely artistic but highly client focused and much more technical and straight edged than I’d like my next career to be. I’m not a white space person, I struggle with white space. I’m walking away from a computer screen in favor of a paint brush for a reason.
But all those “I’m nots” is more a defense to keep me in one place. And they are full of assumptions. I’m not in a position to be closed-minded. Plus I generally don’t respect a closed mind.
So I looked into it.
This work in progress is for my husband’s climbing team t-shirt. He sold hiring me to his team, and his coach liked my work. They understand they are getting a paintbrush.
I originally sketched this out vertically. I started drawing with one idea and ended with another. This is my concept sketch.
The team liked it. But we all agree horizontal for a t-shirt is better. My husband doesn’t like pink (typical). They all prefer red, blue and green. The name of the team will be under it. I thought I would use a program for it, but maybe I’ll paint it now. I’m warming to the completely handmade idea.
I don’t usually sketch as heavily under my painting but I am real sensitive to getting those climbers right in relationship to the rocks. We are a climbing family, my husband and I have been climbing for over a dozen years and the kids with us. It won’t be right if they aren’t right.
It’s a small project, but fun to capture something we are all so dedicated to. And perhaps the fear of not getting it right is really why my initial reaction was full of “I’m Nots”.
Being pregnant is a victory and triumph. It is a miracle that, even if you experience it differently, is not a simple task. It is complex, complicated, at a point inexplicable and by virtue of this - absolutely awe-inspiring. That accomplishment deserves a loud colorful scream - I did it! I did this! Look at what my body can do! Celebrate!
We should celebrate baseline mammograms like a birthday, anniversary or graduation.
Mammograms usher in a new era. Let’s make it official and celebrate. In this era, I take the bodies of my friends and loved ones who age with me side by side. A party is necessary.
Technically, I “do not have a history of breast or ovarian cancer” in my family. This is routine.
But, I have a history of cancer; ovarian, breast or otherwise.
I remember the colleague who passed away from breast cancer within a year of our first meeting. Shockingly quickly.
I sting when I think of a younger acquaintance whose breast cancer returned just yesterday.
My heart aches for a beloved colleague as she forges her legacy in the face of stage 4 cancer.
At 49, my father died of gall bladder cancer. With this birthday I have entered the decade in which he passed. This does not escape me.
And others…
I have a history of cancer. I own this history.
This is what I speak of when I say a mammogram is sign of turning 40. Aging brings the continual pile of stories and we are wise to listen.
So when the technician pointed at her screen and said, “Here, come and look at this.” I held my boiling feelings in check. She was painfully inscrutable.
I looked and thought how achingly beautiful.
That was my breast with lovely web-like trestles, like palm prints, keeping history. That was my opaque muscle cradling it. That was my story; my puberty, my first bra, my sexuality, the humble pride, my first love, the assault and guilt, the sun bathing, my cleavage, the tight-or-loose shirt, swollen from pregnancy, aching from breastfeeding, my milk-giving children’s body, cradling them then slowly turning away and now my own but never the same. And now to be examined indefinitely.
We should celebrate a baseline mammogram because left unto themselves, they sting and stench of aging and forgetting.
But if we listen, they tell our stories and we are all wise to listen.
My Mammogram sketch (c) Marika Reinke 2015
I should mention, the technician wanted to show me my pectoral muscle which extends significantly longer than average and revealed my “tremendous upper body strength.” Another story in the mammogram.
Goodbye Adrian: A Story of Miscarriage (c) Marika Reinke 2015
Through the echoes of death, love, blood, fear and sad slow tears we rode this goodbye learning that being lost in the unknowable, uncontrollable, unimaginable only brings wordless awe for the mystery of life.
All things happen for incomprehensible reasons. Souls were meant to meet. This soul needed a fleeting chance to feel our love and a name to be complete.
watercolor 16″ x 12″
about My Miscarriage
In 2008, I miscarried. I sensed something was wrong and an early 7 week ultrasound proved the pregnancy was not viable. Adrian had not developed past 5 weeks. We grieved; our already-named baby, our hopes, our plans for our kids and our imaginary family.
I waited for the miscarriage to happen naturally.
Week by week went by and nothing happened. I still felt pregnant, I was nauseous and irritable. My confused body still wanted to tend to the Adrian’s lifeless form. I felt weak, tired and sad in my waiting. It was a time of intense numbness and many tears.
After 4 weeks, I began to miscarry and it went terribly wrong. The bleeding was too heavy. At the ER waiting room it went from somewhat concerning to intense and scary. I passed out. A black, cold, viscous faint that sucked my life force and took away my capacity to think. I lost far too much blood.
I was revived and received an emergency D & C. When I woke from the operation, I was enveloped in a deep sadness. Adrian almost took me with him. I felt stuck and empty from the violent parting. My capacity to create life had almost taken my own life.
Untitled Chaos (c) Marika Reinke 2008 – I painted after I miscarried 2008.
It is not a coincidence that I became pregnant with my son the same month that Adrian would have been born. It was our last goodbye and parting blessing.
Miscarriage is a silent and common grief many women bare. At least 10% – 35% pregnancies are estimated to end preemptively.
FEATURED
This painting was featured on the cover of the German magazine raum&zeit May 2016 issue.
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