Category: 2018

14. an unnatural

“This is impossible.” I thought as I stepped up to a climbing wall for the first time.

That unworkable wall, in hindsight, was an un-challenging ladder. The excess of holds that littered it should have made it ridiculous not to make it to the top.

I didn’t make it to the top.

I was not curious about climbing. I went to the introductory climbing class because my newly married husband had started gym climbing.  When he went, his wedding ring stayed on the bathroom counter.  That made me curious.

It turns out finger rings and manicures don’t survive crimps and pockets.  A climber’s hands are a mess of callouses and muscular swelling digits that sacrifice their jewelry.

By the end of my first day, I made it to the top of the easiest climb in the gym. That was cool and kind of addictive.

I’m a complete unnatural. It’s a scary, strength-centric, body-aware sport that demands practical focus and technique with no room for daydreaming. Every time I climb, I’m forced into a new agony or disappointment.  It’s just not me.

Then again, I’m not natural at much.  Writing, painting, parenting, teaching, spousing, skiing, running have all required their discomfort.  I’ve only gotten better because I keep showing up.

 


C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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13. a hundred dollars

My kids’ teeth began rotting out of their mouth when we lived in Costa Rica.  Every time we went to the dentist they had more than one cavity or, even better, a new brand-spangled unfamiliar dirty-tooth syndrome. I shook with exasperation as the dentist handed me another bill. We were taking an unemployed year off, it hurt more than usual to pay a few hundred dollars every single time we visited.    

It wasn’t that our kids inherited week teeth or their physical inability to brush that introduced bacteria to their unclean mouths. They understood the correlations between brushing and tooth decay. It was our collective habit. 

Our nightly routine went like this:

“Time for bed!” a parent declared. 

These magic words disappeared the kids who returned as incoherent, tempestuous, figgety, bumptious gremlins mumbling and groaning some version of this: Ug, blah! I don’t wanna. Grrrr.  Can I just? Blurp!  Wait a minute. Crash! I gotta… Shrlurp! No jammas on!  One more… glassawater. Grunk! Anotherbook. Schwip!  Whatabouta….Kissme!

They were slippery and wicked, deceiving and jittery, as they placed obstacle and challenge in front of being tucked into bed. Every detail of our hopeful routine was a negotiation; bedtime stories, music, water, PJs or not, read a book, room temperature, teeth brushing and dog barking. We’d maneuver them to the bed wishing as hard as we could “Just go the F*ck to sleep.”  

They finally would and maybe they would brush their teeth. I couldn’t remember.

A handful of bills later and after the dentist’s lecture clearly detailing that I could expect many more visits like this, I did something desperate.

“The next time I take you to the dentist and you don’t have any cavities, I’ll give you $100.” I told them.  I justified that $100 in their pockets was better than $300 or more I kept putting in the dentists hands for each of them.   

A few years later and they haven’t had a cavity since. 

 


C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

 

 

 

  

 

12. consistency

About 8 years ago, I was an out of shape a mother of a 1 and 4-year-old too dedicated to my job and family to give time to my health. Tired of myself, I decided that I wanted to improve my fitness and my mood. Coming back from a good work out gave me positive energy to tackle everyday demands and precious “me time” I hadn’t had regularly since my first was born.

I got a calendar out and I set my alarm.  I woke up early some days, then more days, then 5 days a week and went to the gym.  I marked the calendar for every day I went.  When 30 days were marked, I bought myself a too-fancy-for-me sweater.  It was buttercream cashmere like wrapping up in a toasty marshmallow. Clicking the buy button was an indulgent luxury, but I reasoned I had earned it for every time I coddled my limp and protesting ass out of bed and into my workout clothes.  That was real work.

It took a couple of 30 day cycles and indulgent rewards before I didn’t need either to motivate me. My mornings became a ritual with its own rewards; a better mood, a fitter body, more strength, more energy, a fun work out, and more personal time. All the rewards the fitness professionals tell you, they are true.

Now, going daily to the gym is so stubbornly set in my psyche’s mortar that trying to extract it would require a new accoutrement of trickery. 8 years later, and you would have to drag me to a psychiatric ward before I’d give up on my muscles. I couldn’t tell you exactly when this transformation occurred, but I can say that you know it when you feel it. It is complete when its an unmovable fact of your identity and even better if everyone knows it.

I had forgotten I was another way until a friend of mine reminded me that I had transformed myself, and I could do it again. Now, I know “just do it” isn’t enough. Change isn’t a wish and it isn’t easy. It requires deliberate planning, action, patience, bribery and deception to motivate yourself into a new habit. But consistency is the cornerstone of a new me.


C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

 

11. say equals do

I’m tired of our culture that prioritizes the right message, regardless of action. Pro-message politics have fundamentally shaken our trust.  Words manipulated to appease or influence now, only to be thrown away later, are an insult to communication. As a result, no action and no follow up takes its toll on communities. We learn to accept the lots-of-talk-and-no-action machine and become increasingly cynical and disconnected. Communities lose the whole reason we covet them; to connect with each other.

The ability to connect relies on the integrity of words. It’s a simple equation: say equals do. Do what you say.  If you can’t do, don’t say. If you thought you could and were wrong, apologize and honor the break you inadvertently made. Honor that a thousand micro-tears in trust can be just as traumatic as one heartbreaking betrayal or affair.

The pro-talk strategy infiltrates and degrades our connection with our most intimate allies. The macro strategy’s unintended consequence ultimately degrades our attempts at authentic human-to-human connection. The thinking goes that our society and leadership gets away with it, so why can’t I?

We say what we think the other wants to hear.

The problem is, if you don’t believe your own words, neither will your loved one. Actions speak a thousand times louder. Follow up on those words and show up, or you can expect those around you to fade away.


C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

10. whiny doubt

Some days, I’m sure I’ve done the wrong thing. No, everything is a sightless, selfish, blunder.

“It isn’t fair because I think so hard.” The homeless, unloved, orphan moans from within.

I ponder until my brain is squeezed so tight it aches. I weigh options until it all scales the same. With so much thought and good intention, you’d think I’d get it precise. With so much philosophy, why can’t I change the world to my right?

“Don’t I deserve something for being good?” Her puppy eyes beseech me, her begging hand laid out confidently who, sensing my weakness for her, is sure I won’t shuffle away.

Something always haunts, doesn’t work, can’t be controlled. My expectation is too plain and too exact.

“You think you’re going to do something different, but it’s really all the same.” The panhandler needles me as I turn my back.  There is no help in coddling her.

It is her whiny doubt that always stays the same.


C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

9. Heartbreak

Tentative words are misunderstood.  Love slips away with impermanence.  Friends and loved ones move towards their own dreams and away.

In the end, alone.

Sometimes I think there can’t be anyone in the world who feels more alone than me; not “quite right” or lovable.

I want to hope for no reason other than to hope. The impulse to despair is equal for wonder.

Heartbreak is a symptom of vulnerability. It’s an edgy question. I keep the wall up until it’s brittle and can’t stand any longer. It was made of impermanence too.  I poke my head through my own exacting layers and a brick falls and crushes my pinkie toe. There would be no brick if I hadn’t put it there.

Destruction before creation or so they say.

An open heart is a target for everything including the most unexpected kind of love.


C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

8. purpose in now

 Goals enjoy a tense rivalry with the power of now’s philosophy. A true grounding in now is sweet solace and a beautiful unfolding of yourself blanketed in time. It activates the senses and settles you in peace. Yes, life is good.  Just living here on this earth is a sweet gift. In contrast, goals are a restless admission that something isn’t what you want right now. They yield a sense of daily purpose and progress in one direction but they limit you with the sensation that now is wanting and not enough. The disquiet is agitating. Often, goals are slippery, ungraspable and unlimited.  One goal is reached, and the immediate next question is what’s next. What happened to the gifts snuggled in now?   

It’s a struggle to find the sweet spot in the process.  There is ease, humor and love in the movement toward the goal.  It is nestled in the time you dedicate to it. Sure, you aren’t there…. Yet.  But find the purpose in the work.  It’s a slog. But the slog should be worthwhile. The process is the point. The doubt, the learning, the backfires, the mistakes, the persistence, the vision making and the slow building of a new belief in yourself. That is the ultimate point.


C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

7. My favorite things

My kids. Their giggles, curiosity, learning, sense of humor and will. Their potential as they learn themselves.  

My husband’s kindness, compassion and consistent support.

A vacation to a new some place; walks in new urban streets, hikes up new forested peaks, or lounging on a turquoise shore. A time to reconnect with family and explore the new. The foreign clicks, clacks, swashes and sways of new languages and unfamiliar fragrances crackling from street vendors pots.

A friend’s warm hug and thoughtful advice. Her phone call when I least expect them. The giggles we share when we hear each other’s voice.   

Loud unrestrained laughter that bubbles and spills in cascading giggles.   

Reading a new book by thoughtful writer who builds ideas with dazzling architecture of words.

A curious wandering through an art store whose shelves are packed to the ceilings.

The fluttering expectation and anticipation of new pigments, my favorite art brushes, a blank canvas with sweet time to paint.

Climbing a route in a state of pure flow when my mind, movement and strength synch into sweet unfettered action.  

Getting stronger, learning more and building muscles in my body and my mind. 

My morning ritual; a quiet time to meditate and journal


 

C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

6. a value map

Values are an important map to identity and our impact in the world.  They underly what an individual thinks is important which theoretically drive their action.  Their problem is that many people say they value something but unconsciously act in ways that undermine them.  It’s an interesting and entirely human phenomenon.  We all believe we are good values-driven people, yet we don’t always act with goodness at heart. You hate it when you get caught in the values trap, integrity is important to everyone. Never mind that “good” has an entirely different criteria for many people and cultures.

Value, in our society, is intrinsically linked to money. Our economic transactions reveal a lot; both the ones we make and the ones we abstain from. Sure, there are essential expenses, but even those reveal your values.  You choose to support another cause when you hand your money over but you also choose to support what you value, or maybe you are supporting something you don’t value and didn’t really think about it.

You pay your bills and taxes to support your need for integrity, citizenship, consistency.

You buy art from local artists and books from authors because you want to support creativity and handmade ideas over the ease and price of manufactured prints and plastic replicas.

You choose an expensive smart phone and data plan over a simple phone with text to support the need for the convenience of having a mini-computer at your fingertips, the instant notifications, the state of the art communication tools over saving a little money for an extra cause, the organic meat, or a gym membership.

When you buy a luxury new third car you buy convenience, status and the occasional ease of having extra transportation over other luxuries like a vacation, a home remodel, or even a generous gift to a charity.

You choose debt for more indulgences, or education, or maybe a new house and you trade off the freedom of having money free for the future.

You buy and eat the candy to support a sweet tooth, the sugar rush, instant gratification, a little enjoyment and trade-off long term health, your teeth and even the delayed gratification of losing a few pounds and maybe feeling good.

You buy something from Amazon for convenience, speed and price over the field trip to support the local business owner’s store, the ensuing hunt and the maybe more expensive price.

These are choices that reveal you to you.  Look at your transactions closely instead of spending unconsciously. Honestly assess the values that pave the trail your money leaves as it leaves you. They are clues to you and, if you want a more meaningful or purposeful lifestyle, clues to making small changes to do just that.


(C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Make jewelry from watercolor paintings with me! Book a workshop or party thru Airbnb.com here: https://www.airbnb.com/experiences/140929

 

5. invitation

Some invitations don’t feel welcoming even as they offer you their new world.  Inside, there is no glittering laser-cut confetti or blowup mylar entreaties. No promise of a cake-stuffed bellies or lips crusted with vibrant aqua frosting. No gorging. No indulgent party dresses. No debaucheries. No morning-after, eyes half-shut while the angled light whispers a giggling victory, “You are so hungover. The day is already done before it has begun.”

Instead some invitations boil like sulfuric mud and burp gaping mumblings; incoherent, sincere, summoning. This opened envelope is empty, but packs you with steady rumbling, the shifting tide, an awakening shake. It incites a nervous ticking. Inside is a new world with everything you think you haven’t claimed but its message shapeshifts. Fear or intuition, which on is it?

Stay the path or swerve?

Either way, this invitation insists on the inevitable. Now, there is no more cruise control, it is time take the reins and accept a new change.