Category: Writing

6. a value map

Values are an important map to identity and our impact in the world.  They underly what an individual thinks is important which theoretically drive their action.  Their problem is that many people say they value something but unconsciously act in ways that undermine them.  It’s an interesting and entirely human phenomenon.  We all believe we are good values-driven people, yet we don’t always act with goodness at heart. You hate it when you get caught in the values trap, integrity is important to everyone. Never mind that “good” has an entirely different criteria for many people and cultures.

Value, in our society, is intrinsically linked to money. Our economic transactions reveal a lot; both the ones we make and the ones we abstain from. Sure, there are essential expenses, but even those reveal your values.  You choose to support another cause when you hand your money over but you also choose to support what you value, or maybe you are supporting something you don’t value and didn’t really think about it.

You pay your bills and taxes to support your need for integrity, citizenship, consistency.

You buy art from local artists and books from authors because you want to support creativity and handmade ideas over the ease and price of manufactured prints and plastic replicas.

You choose an expensive smart phone and data plan over a simple phone with text to support the need for the convenience of having a mini-computer at your fingertips, the instant notifications, the state of the art communication tools over saving a little money for an extra cause, the organic meat, or a gym membership.

When you buy a luxury new third car you buy convenience, status and the occasional ease of having extra transportation over other luxuries like a vacation, a home remodel, or even a generous gift to a charity.

You choose debt for more indulgences, or education, or maybe a new house and you trade off the freedom of having money free for the future.

You buy and eat the candy to support a sweet tooth, the sugar rush, instant gratification, a little enjoyment and trade-off long term health, your teeth and even the delayed gratification of losing a few pounds and maybe feeling good.

You buy something from Amazon for convenience, speed and price over the field trip to support the local business owner’s store, the ensuing hunt and the maybe more expensive price.

These are choices that reveal you to you.  Look at your transactions closely instead of spending unconsciously. Honestly assess the values that pave the trail your money leaves as it leaves you. They are clues to you and, if you want a more meaningful or purposeful lifestyle, clues to making small changes to do just that.

(C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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5. invitation

Some invitations don’t feel welcoming even as they offer you their new world.  Inside, there is no glittering laser-cut confetti or blowup mylar entreaties. No promise of a cake-stuffed bellies or lips crusted with vibrant aqua frosting. No gorging. No indulgent party dresses. No debaucheries. No morning-after, eyes half-shut while the angled light whispers a giggling victory, “You are so hungover. The day is already done before it has begun.”

Instead some invitations boil like sulfuric mud and burp gaping mumblings; incoherent, sincere, summoning. This opened envelope is empty, but packs you with steady rumbling, the shifting tide, an awakening shake. It incites a nervous ticking. Inside is a new world with everything you think you haven’t claimed but its message shapeshifts. Fear or intuition, which on is it?

Stay the path or swerve?

Either way, this invitation insists on the inevitable. Now, there is no more cruise control, it is time take the reins and accept a new change.

4. gratitude is generous

Gratitude is magic.

On days when the world is a list of “isn’t-s” and “not-quite-good-enough-s”, gratitude changes focus to what is now.  The mind-shift transforms everything that “is” to exactly as it should be.  It’s a beautiful and surprising magic. Even better, we are all capable of this sorcery.

Your gratitude list can contain anything but the most surprising and powerful appreciations are often least expected.  They are the ones that, without gratitude, we fight the most:

Thank you for the challenge today, it has helped me see my true strength.

Thank you for the critics who have pushed me further than I thought I was capable.

Thank you for love. I mourn my loss but I’m so grateful that I have loved so deeply in this life.

Thank you for the frustrating people in this world who have taught me to be a better human.

Thank you for the unknown.  When I’m uncomfortable, I know I am acting from the most potential for magic and fulfillment.

Gratitude is potent generosity. Practicing this magic reveals a surprising truth: Everything you are thankful for was once a want and desire that you transformed to now.

You have changed your world.

What will future gratitudes bring?

(C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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3. the path with heart

The path with heart is what you give freely to the world.

It is believing the moment, no matter how difficult, crusty, unclear, or fettered, is exactly what it needs to be and will carry you to the right destination.

It means believing in your creative power because it is a wondrous power, not because it gains an external end.

The path with heart is doing the right thing over picking sides.

It is doing your best and knowing that in the past you have done your best. There is no need to look behind you anymore.

It is a commitment to learning and being kind to yourself.

The path with heart is working, creating, acting and interacting from love.

The paths asks you to commit to listening, deeply, purely and meaningfully.

The path with heart is teaching kids how to love.

It is laughter, freedom, sadness, surprise, wonder, awe, joy.

It is pure living and the path that gives you passion, energy and purpose.

Walk the path with heart despite what others may say, do or make you feel. They will unknowingly try to take it away because they don’t understand.

The path with heart is definable by your own heart. Find it. Listen to it. Act.

It will change your world.

(C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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2. don’t be selfish

The creative process can be a tortured hiding from the world.

When you paint, you close the door and put on music to let your your fingers dance in color, water, light.  When you teach, you turn on the teacher’s mask and preach a philosophy you hope one day to embody.  When you write, you turn your back on the world and let words birth from thoughts and fingers.

It is all a type of hiding, a way of stuffing yourself away so that something is born; painting, learning, a poem or more.  We recede in order to create and to make room for the new tide’s bounty.

When it’s born, don’t hide it anymore.  Don’t be selfish.  Don’t let the “It’s not good enough” or “I’m a phony.” or “I’m not qualified…” prevent you from disclosing something that could change the world for even one person.

No act is useless if it is given in selfless service.  

Let what’s born perform.  Let what’s born push into the world and be free.     

(C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Rituals to Awaken Your Creative Potential

This is one of my personal favorite ways to think about creativity:

Creativity flows from a commitment to curiosity and learning. 

I like this because it means creativity is unique to individual purpose and passion. It isn’t subject to the majority’s whims because it is entirely personal and purposeful.  Even if the creative process is fleeting, like a simple sketch, if it aligns with nourishment for your curiosity and learning, it is creativity.

When I wrote my last email about how we are all artists, I was not just considering painting. The medium you choose means little. What is important is that you show up and express yourself. It is a gift to the world when we express our creativity because that exploration and expression is meant for someone, anyone who picks it up, interacts with it and is transformed by it, even if it’s for you. That person (you!) is waiting for you to express yourself.

I know it can make you feel vulnerable. It can feel like you are exposing who you are, not just your ability, but your heart.  Engaging in a creative process, whether painting, writing, music, dancing or any entrepreneurial endeavor is the art of finding yourself and giving a little away in the hope to make the world better even if it is “just” your world.  It is an act of faith. First, we create without guarantees and the blind hope it will be received with joy and gratitude. Then, because of our doubts, we need courage to continue making and perseverance when it doesn’t work out exactly as its planned.

In workshops, I’m consistently impressed by your vulnerability, courage and trust as I outline the process before you. Your leap of faith is magical. With a little nudge, support and the belief in you, you create. You do it not just to be able to say, “I did that!” Which is awesome. But also “I did it and it came entirely from me, from who I am.”  Given the potential emotional consequences, it’s striking to me that we all still try to create. You show up. We are willing to risk rejection’s electric shock for an authentic journey towards trying something new and finding authentic self-expression. Its an adventure and a risk. This tells me that creativity and self-expression are powerful anchors of whole-hearted creative living.

We are curious.  We want to learn. We are driven to create.

I recently went to a Creative Reboot conference for artists in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I got to hang out and soak up the creative energy and vibe on of some of the most inspiring people; Julia Cameron, Flora Bowley, Sheri Rosenthal and meet even more creative and inspiring souls.   It was a moving retreat that helped anchor ideas and rituals to keep my creative spirit alive and thriving in my studio and life. Of course, I want to share them with you.

Here are some the best rituals and takeaways from the experience:

Embrace the Artist’s Way.  This is really three rolled into one but they are all attributable to Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way and as many as 40 books. She was an important speaker for me at Creative Reboot.  Her book inspired me to paint almost 20 years ago and last year I took an Artist’s Way workshop through the Seattle Artist’s Way Center in Seattle which kept me creating through a challenging transition time. Again, Julia anchored the experience at the retreat for me and her formula for creative living is wonderfully simple. It goes like this:

  • Practice Regular Morning Pages. In other words, journal every day, especially in the morning to get the junk and negativity out of your head and out of your creative callings way. I can’t tell you how many questions about creative blocks from the audience that she answered with, “Have you been writing your Morning Pages?”
  • Take yourself on an Artist Date once a week.  An Artist Date is a chance to be alone with your creative self and explore whatever your creative heart desires. Mine have included romps in bookstores, toy stores, art stores, speakers series, movies, nature walks and more. Any chance to be curious, explore, be grateful and in awe is a good Artist Date.
  • Find your Believing Mirrors! This is not in her book but she mentioned them more than once. As soon as she described them, I knew exactly who they were in my life and they are critical, critical, critical. These people love, nurture and believe in you.  They give you love, strength, clarity and purpose in life and creativity. They are your beautiful, soul affirming people in your life.  Find the people in your life that are your Believing Mirrors.  Here’s a lovely poem about friendship that I think outlines the sentiment perfectly by David Wythe.

Take it Bite by Bite. Seriously, you don’t have to be a genius all the time or ever to flex your creative muscles.  Instead, focus on the small step you can take now to move you toward creative flow.  That may mean just picking up a paint brush and painting, dancing a little, write a crappy poem.  It doesn’t matter. Do something small to create and to get the creative momentum flowing in the direction of expression not repression. Don’t let repression win. Repression chokes all growth.  That’s bad.  A little progress is a lot better.

Don’t be Selfish. (Thanks to Sheri Rosenthal for this one.) Seriously, when you don’t express yourself, you aren’t sharing the best parts of you. These are the best most authentic and vulnerable parts of you and if you share them they can change your world. Yes, its scary to take the first step but the world needs you, show up for it, otherwise you’re just being selfish and leaving your awesomeness to yourself.

Meditate Every Day (or as often as you can). Meditation helps clear the mind of the negative forces that drive you to doubt. That doubt is what keeps you from starting, continuing, learning and just getting better.  When you pay attention to your thoughts in the act of meditation, those thoughts begin to lose their control on you and suddenly your energy to create increases.  I am just a baby when it comes to meditating, but after a lot initial resistance, it has become a cornerstone of my morning routine.  Here are some resources I’ve used to help develop a practice:

Do it with your brain closed. Whatever your medium try to practice it without thinking.  If you are painting or drawing close your eyes and paint for 5 minutes or as long as your favorite song. If you are writing, just write without thinking or assessing, keep the words flowing. The book Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg is a great resource for helping you let go.  If you are thinking about business ideas, make a list and don’t think about them, use words, images, drawings, colors etc .  Just do it with your brain closed, don’t judge or assess or shut anything down. Let there be no boundaries.  If you love music, try to improvise without a sheet of music and just see what happens. Or try this; just dance and who gives a rat’s A$$ what you look like. Let your mind go for a little and let the rest of you create without judgement. Notice and harness that feeling of letting your mind rest.

Make creativity a part of daily living. How can you make your daily life more creative?  Maybe this means wearing your favorite creative t-shirt or outfit. Maybe cooking an extra fancy meal or buying flowers for your desk.  Listening to art-making music while you do something mundane.  Make a Spotify list for just this occasion. Do you have a favorite super hero? Put her or him near your workstation as a reminder. Dress up like him or her for Halloween too.  Think about what helps frame your days from creative lens of abundance instead of the humdrum of daily living. Add them to the daily ingredients of your life.

In the end, I must return to my definition.  Creativity flows from a commitment to curiosity and learning.  Stay curious, keep learning and keep creativity flowing.

Tell me: How do you keep creating?

What I’m Reading
Reading is another source of inspiration and a ceaseless wellspring.  Right now, I’m focusing on finishing this book: The End of Your World: Uncensored Straight Talk on the Nature of Enlightenment by Adyashanti.  It’s blowing my mind.

Did you get my free book?
There are many new people in this community and I want to make sure that you get a copy of my free e-book; The Art Ritual.  It’s a little book of paintings, poems and writings. In it, I write and paint about the things that get me excited; motherhood, life, courage, expression, magic and more.  Please check it out and tell me what you think.
You can download it here.  https://marikareinke.com/receive-digital-copy-art-ritual/

Guess what? YOU are an Artist!
25% Discount for Artists!
All you artists get a 25% Discount at my Etsy Store.  I’ve stocked it with new pendants and earrings and even a few in-stock prints.  They are popular gifts that sell fast. Thank you for your support!
Use this link for your discount: https://www.etsy.com/shop/MarikasArtStudio?coupon=ALLMYARTISTS

 

(C) Marika Reinke – Adventures in Art with Heart, Humor and Spirit.

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Climbing Gym 10 Scary Wall

Ugly Truths about Just Pretending

I’m a moderate climber, I’m not bad-ass.  I can climb close to as well as any recreational climber, man or woman, but I’ve mostly approached this sport as entertainment.  Moderate is challenging for me physically and mentally. I don’t think I can compare to the people I see the gym or at the outdoor crags.  I’m kind of a scardy-cat, fear gets the best of me and I certainly don’t train for climbing seriously.

I’m beginning to learn that I love it enough that taking it seriously may be the best I can give myself, husband and kids.

What do I love about climbing? The challenge and adventure.  I like not being awesome at something. In fact, I’m so far from awesome I don’t even have to worry about being awesome.  I have improved over time. Work and play pay back but awesome is a faraway goal.

I really love that climbing houses wonderful analogies for life. It has been said that the way you approach a climb is undoubtedly the way your will approach life.

I’ve been reflecting on this.

I recently worked on a 10c climb at the climbing gym and it taught me some ugly truths about myself.

Let’s start with this ugly truth.  Truthfully, I don’t work hard on climbs.  The term in climbing jargon is “to project” as in “I’m projecting a climb”.  This particular 10c climb gets the best of me so it is a perfect “project”.  It overhangs, which means I have to use my upper body.  It angles a bit, which means it pushes me into an exposed and scary state. It is long and that scares me too. I don’t feel in control when I climb it, the wall controls me. Why don’t I project climbs?  When you project a climb, you must begin to take the climb seriously.  You become committed to getting to the top. I don’t project climbs because I don’t want to make myself vulnerable to failure and fear.

Next ugly truth.  I don’t care if I get to the top. Why is this an ugly truth?  Well, why am I climbing if I don’t want to get to the top? Isn’t that the goal? I get something back from climbing, don’t I? I think so.  I think I like the image of being a climber.  I like to think I’m daring and adventurous.  I like to think I’m pushing my boundaries but when faced with a climb that pushes back, I balk.  I climb because my ego likes it and likes what most people think of me because I climb.

What kind of climbing narcissist am I? When I realized this about myself, I gagged a little.

Oh ugly truths!  Let’s summarize them. 1.  I don’t like to work. 2.  I don’t want to be vulnerable or fearful. 3. I don’t care if I reach my goal.  4. I just care that people think I am a person that does the opposite of those things.   

Am I doing this in life too? Undoubtedly, the answer is yes.  Let that marinate.  And I’m not saying that I do that ALL the time, but these are subtle mental distractions that keep me from my goals, the tough ones that take perserverence.

These ugly truths have kept me from getting better at climbing and more in-tuned with something that I really do love and respect as a sport.

So I must somehow work on change. To start, I must project this climb.

I told myself, through my passivity, fear and negativity;  Just do it 3 times.  That is all.  You don’t have to get to the top, get to the scary part and see what you can do.  So I did.  By the third time, I was tired, thinking halted and I laughed when I failed. Laughter is better than beating yourself up over failure, wondering what people think or not even trying.  So logically, I climbed to failure a fourth time.  You know, just because.

Laughter and learning are the enemy of these ugly truths.

 

 

 

Blugh and Marika ClimbingBlugh and Marika Climbing

Growing Up Past the Bolt

Blugh and Marika ClimbingBlugh and Marika Climbing
Blugh and Marika Climbing

That’s my husband lead sport climbing.  I’m below him belaying.  As he climbs, he pulls the rope up with him and secures it with a quick draw in pre-set bolts in the wall.  As he climbs past a bolt, he enters “scary fall zone”.  If he falls once he is beyond a bolt, the fall is longer, he is more likely to scrape himself up and the force of the fall will pull me off the ground, just a little.  In reality, he is safe. The gear and my belay will catch him.   We have learned and done everything we can to make it so.  He has a harness, a secure rope, knot, knowledge, practice and all our attention.

There are times when he is leading a climb and I get scared.  He climbs past the bolt, gets stuck and searches for a route to get to the next bolt.  He is nervous, clearly unsure and struggling.  I get anxious.  The last time I watched him struggle, I wondered why I bothered to watch him.  If he falls, he will be okay.  In reality, my anxiety doesn’t help him.

This is the essence of growing up past the bolt and parents should pay attention.  Why?

Ideally, parents do everything we can to provide safety for the risks of childhood and growing up.  We talk to them about the risks, we instill values, we set limitations, we teach them, provide an environment for growth and high standards.  But, eventually, they will have to climb past the bolt and enter “scary fall zone”.  Us parents can watch and get anxious or, provided that we have invested in learning, creating and communicating a safe structure, just let them fail or not.

Undoubtedly, climbing past the bolt sometimes means failure. It is the nature of risk-taking to fail.  In climbing classes, we always practice falling which is in essence, practicing failure.  It makes you a better climber to get comfortable as you climb past the bolt and fall. Get used to it.

I want my kids to fail (and succeed) a few times as they climb past the bolt and out of their comfort zone.  Failure shouldn’t scare them to paralysis – though it might always be a little scary.  The greatest learning in life happens when you climb past the bolt and into the risky unknown.

 

 

Bent Rib drawing by Marika Reinke 2015

This Year, I Own Mother’s Day

Bent Rib drawing by Marika Reinke 2015
Bent Rib drawing by Marika Reinke 2015

This year, I own Mother’s Day.

It used to be about others; my mother, my kids, the mothers I know and many birthdays.  I let the day pass without a thought but a card, a few texts from friends and some flowers for my mother.  It was an afterthought; “Oh yeah, I’m a mother too.”

This year is different.

This year it is about me.  I accept that I am thoroughly, totally and bone shakenly a mother. It has taken me 11 years to consciously get it.

Why so long?

I’ve been busy figuring out motherhood while simultaneously being in denial and clinging to the remnants of my past life. Apparently, I’m a slow learner.

I have been surviving; occupied with the daily, physical and psychological tasks of being not only a mother, but a wife, a colleague, a teacher, a leader, an employee, a daughter, a traveler, a sister and friend. Amongst all this, I didn’t quite realize I had transformed into a mother, if atypical.

Add to that that I’m a whole bunch of “nots”.

I’m not amazing. I’m not super woman. I’m not loving, ever-giving and kind. I’m not the mother in flowery greeting cards with perfumed and pink envelopes. I don’t bake cookies in a flowered apron. I dislike pink for what it stands for. I don’t know ego-less love. I’m not an archetype. I am not always there for my kids. I’m not a perfect role model. I’m not like other moms.

I admit, sometimes I swear in front of them.  I definitely get mad at my kids. Sometimes, I put myself on time out so I won’t scream what I want to scream. Sometimes I yell anyway. I have endless guilt. I fear I will ruin their lives.  I’m sure I will ruin their lives.

I am an anti-mother. I’m hard on my kids. I push them and sometimes I make them uncomfortable and cry. I have been honest and direct with them, choosing truth over comfort even when it made them tense.  I have given them cupcakes for breakfast and stolen their Halloween candy. I have been inconsistent, kind and ruthless. I have been selfish, selfless, loving and cold. I have failed my kids individual needs. I have given my kids what I needed.  I unconsciously and always put my family first even when it wasn’t for the best.  I am a fierce fighter. Do not stand between me and my kids. I will not be soft, kind, graceful if you do. I will not hesitate to use my fists if I have to. Write that on a Mother’s Day card and make it black.

And there is this…

I tell my kids that their job is to make me happy. I tell them that other parents don’t love their kids as much as I love them because I don’t let them (fill in the blank). I tell my son he is nagging and needs to work on better strategies for managing his boredom.  I tell my daughter her organization skills suck. I tell them that fair is a fairytale.

I tell them they are perfection. I tell them I’m so grateful for them. I love them, passionately and deeply, every single day.

I have been physically transformed by them, my hips are wider, my breast varying shapes and sensations from them. I have a bent, sometimes achy rib from my son’s pregnancy. I endured the richest and most deliberate pain giving birth to my kids. I experienced crazy, irrational love, exhausted relief and accompanying rage.  I have not enjoyed sleep as luxuriously as before motherhood. I have been in the worst shape of my life after their birth.

Motherhood almost took my life after a black and bloody miscarriage. I sobbed silently, numbly and uncontrollably in the recovery room after an emergency DNC. It scared my husband and I intensely. A byproduct of motherhood is that it can kill you.

I have been isolated by motherhood.  I lost friends as I learned to mother.  My energy to give generously to others waned. As my social world collapsed into hyper-focus on two little souls, I became a shitty friend. I became a crappy daughter that desperately didn’t want to become my mother. I am a strange mother, an outsider with parenting quirks. I chose natural childbirth, breastfeeding, a career throughout and I believe nurturing looks more like tough love than coddling.

Motherhood was a 9.0 earthquake to my marriage.  Now, it is rebuilt and an unrecognizable form. I almost can’t remember what it was.

I’ve not paid attention to Mother’s Day because I’ve been so busy picking up the pieces of my identity since it rocked us.

It has been my dirty, messy, disturbed hero’s journey not into spiritual enlightenment but into grounded and unhinged motherhood. Not a cycle, not a pretty path, not a journey into something better but a journey into furious acceptance, a rich relationship with anxiety and fear and a deep, layered and textured understanding of love.

I believe…

Motherhood happens to a mom. Mothers do not courageously lead families. These kids and their experiences, they choose us as their adventure. We manage the damage as it occurs.

I have learned deep lessons. The hardest and longest ones of all have been about having compassion for myself. Compassion for my kids, that is easy.

The best thing so far; I removed the expectation that I control my kids character or destiny. Barring the crazy mind blowing miracle of pregnancy, I don’t make them into anything.  I can set up a framework; schools, activities, communities, nourishment, vacations, and most importantly a clear understanding of my views and values, that they work within and then I let them go.

They teach me. It is a deep truth. I must be a better person because of them.  They lead and I follow.   I survive. I am molded.  I will never return.  Motherhood defines me.

I own Mother’s Day, and it is everyday.

 

A Legacy… to me

There are people that are always giving. The kind of person who stops what they are doing and very gently focuses all their attention on you, because, you are there, and obviously important.  That kind of full service attention is special and rare. It is expressively loving.  These people are always curious. Flowers are always beautiful and time worthy, the birds, even a common finch, is interesting.  A book arouses their interest and they begin to read it… right now. A restaurant, a new local discovery and adventure or faraway travels are compelling too. These people are open about their experiences; ugly, dark, complex, beautiful and true and they are kind with how they give these stories to you and for you because our stories really are our gifts to people.  They practice compassion, not perfection, to self and others.

The world is lucky for the many people here like this.

I had a person like this in my life at a pivotal time.  She was a lovely neighbor and my first close friend outside of my generation. A grandmother to my daughter’s best friend and old enough to be my own mother, but a far different history than mine. She had an artist soul, loved nature, worked steadily for the environment and loved her family so gently it felt fierce. I admired her character and her spirit. She aged well and unlike many, she wizened as she aged.

Then she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and slowly moved more inward, not less kind or compassionate, but her fight and temperament made her more intimate about how she shared herself. Death is a burden to all who love the dying, and the dying feel this, heavily.

She loved that we were moving to Costa Rica.  When we came back last Spring, I saw her briefly and she was kind though withdrawn and tired.  Then last August she died with her family nearby. I heard the news from Guatemala at the time, and cried a few times.  I learned that death makes me homesick. Shortly afterwards, I booked tickets for us to visit Seattle in December and here we are still, happily.

I had the opportunity to stay in her house for a weekend recently and at first I resented the memory of her.  It made me sad and restless. I felt like I didn’t belong there. Then I let it wash over me.  Her house is so full of her spirit.  The art on the walls, the books, the office space and the magnificent garden are all whispers of her. I want to be a 70 year old like her.

Her partner encouraged me to go through her art supplies and take what I wanted. She would have wanted someone to have them who loved art as much as she did.  I do not know if I loved art as much as she did.  Really. But I am honored and humbled to have her art supplies now.  I will be lucky if I walk a similar path as her legacy. I will think of her with love as I paint.