The best thing I did in order to learn to become a better writer was to hire an editor.  Little did I know that it would be the most terrifying thing too.

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Gorgons – The Good The Bad and The Ugly

(0:57) Welcome to November. Welcome back to those of you who are listening. I really appreciate (1:02) you.

I want to share a story, probably the best learning that I got out of writing three novels (1:11) was the most painful and the scariest for me as well. And I think it’s funny that it’s scary (1:18) because it’s just writing. There’s people that like it, people who do not like it, but it’s (1:24) not going to actually hurt me.

I’ve been through a lot more painful injuries in my life and painful (1:30) relationship losses. But for whatever reason, creativity can feel very vulnerable when we put (1:37) ourselves out there, when we create on our own from our heart, it opens up our heart to heartbreak. (1:46) And the most learning that I did besides just writing these books, biggest learning lesson (1:53) that I had in writing them was in choosing to hire an editor and proofreader.

And this was a lot (2:02) harder than I expected. I actually went through about three or four proofreaders and editors (2:06) before I found one that matched what I wanted. The one who stays in my memory and in my heart (2:14) as the one who taught me the most is this one editor that I called the Gorgon, which she would (2:20) hate that I called her the Gorgon, but it helped me with some levity around the situation because I (2:27) was having a really hard time dealing with her.

Medusa is a Gorgon and you may know the story. (2:33) She has a head of snakes and a body of a serpent. And if a man looks her in the eye, she (2:41) turns them to stone.

It’s from one of my favorite movies when I was young called The Clash of the (2:46) Titans. I love that movie. And I believed this woman, if she looked my creativity in my eye, (2:54) in the eye, she would turn me to stone and I would never be able to write again.

(3:00) I got kind of roped into working with her. She kind of stroked my ego a little bit. She liked (3:06) my writing.

She didn’t, she didn’t take just anybody’s writing to edit and that felt good. (3:14) By the time I handed over my whole manuscript though, and we had had some back and forth, (3:20) it became clear that she was not on the same page as I was. She was hypercritical.

She was (3:28) competitive. She kind of had a gotcha kind of attitude. Like she wanted to find all the places (3:37) in my novel where it didn’t quite make sense, where the facts weren’t aligning.

She’s super (3:42) smart. She knew what she was doing, not kind, but I believed she believed she was being kind. (3:52) She was well-meaning, but she had no idea where I was in my creativity.

And I think everybody in (4:00) their creative process goes through a stage of vulnerability. And I call it my creative baby. (4:07) I like, even when I was working through this situation with her, I could even see in my (4:14) mind’s eye, this little creature with big eyes, just looking up at me like a little puppy dog, (4:20) like, don’t hurt me.

Don’t hurt me. I just, all I need is love. All I need is love, you know? And (4:26) that’s the way that I felt about writing.

And I felt that way about everything, about painting, (4:31) about anything creative I’ve ever done. There’s always a time where you need to just love, (4:38) to just nurture, to nourish your creative baby and allow it to be really bad and allow it to learn (4:46) and kind of flow and swim around and figure things out and just be bad for a while, maybe ugly (4:53) and sometimes brilliant in that too, but just really not consistent as you figure out, you (5:02) know, like a little toddler, how they figure out how to move, how to run, how to walk, how to play (5:09) with others. It’s not like the easiest thing.

It’s a messy process. And that’s exactly the way (5:15) being creative is when you’re first starting out. I mean, I had written other novels before, (5:19) drafts, but I had never really gotten to a point where I really wanted to work with somebody to (5:25) get it better.

But I was still in this real baby vulnerable phase. So when I handed the (5:32) manuscript off to her and I started to get this feeling of, oh my gosh, she’s not going to be kind (5:40) and she’s not going to just look at what I’m asking her to look at. She’s a little compulsive (5:46) and opinionated and sure that her opinions are the only opinions.

And I am old enough in my life (5:55) to know that just because you have an opinion and even one born from experience, it may not be what (6:03) I want in my creative endeavor. It may not be what I want to express. Even if you tell me, (6:12) for example, with my painting, like, you know, you don’t like the content of it or it’s not (6:18) refined enough or it’s too refined or whatever.

Maybe I’m doing that on purpose. Maybe I’m working (6:23) through something. Those are aesthetics and storytelling and writing is the same.

(6:29) Some things are aesthetic and it’s your opinion. Not everybody loves a romance novel. Some people (6:35) only want to read thrillers, but it’s all about how you want to feel, you know? And that’s really (6:41) what art’s all about is there’s no exactly right answer.

And I knew what I wanted. I wanted to write (6:49) this novel and have fun. And I wanted to clear the path for me so that I could do that and get as far (6:58) as I could in having fun.

This woman was not about fun. She’s the Gorgon. Gorgons are not about fun.

(7:04) They’re about turning people into statues. Not on purpose in this case. Like I’m sure Medusa (7:10) did not want to just turn all the men in her life into statues.

(7:14) And I’m sure that she didn’t either. But she had that kind of ability. So I was really nervous when (7:22) I got it back.

She read the whole thing. Bless her. Bless her.

She read the whole thing. And it was an (7:30) uneven draft. It was not ready for proofing.

It was ready for editing. And she was right about that. (7:36) I 100% agree with that.

I was too naive, too new to know where I was in the process. And she gave me (7:43) tons of feedback. I was nervous about the feedback.

I didn’t know if my creative baby (7:50) could take it. I was I was a big baby about it. Let me tell you, I really, really was trying to (7:54) protect this little creative baby.

I was like an overprotective little mom. Like don’t tell her. (7:59) Don’t like she’s perfect.

So it took me a couple weeks when she gave it back to me for me to look (8:05) at her feedback. And her feedback was thorough and good. And there was some good things she was (8:13) saying to me about my writing, which was wonderful.

And I deleted it all. It wasn’t what I wanted. I (8:19) didn’t want to hear this is great.

This is perfect. No matter how scared I was to hear it at the same (8:25) time, I understood that the best and the juiciest things were to hear when somebody’s opinion (8:31) disagreed with mine. But at the same time, there were some really nice comments.

And I, (8:38) after a while of reading through all of her comments, I realized like, she thought I was (8:44) a good writer. She thought I had potential. And at the times where she was kind of rude, (8:48) which she was, were because she was frustrated with me because I was not writing to my potential (8:54) that I was showing in other parts of the novel.

And I appreciate that, too. That’s like a mom, (8:59) right? A mom gets frustrated with their child when they’re not actually acting up to their (9:02) potential. And I wasn’t doing that because I was just having fun.

I don’t really want to deal with (9:08) some of the stickier points of the plot or my writing. I just wanted to feel good with these (9:15) characters and just sort of float through the story. But her criticisms and that feeling of, (9:22) you know what, you’re better than this, made me realize that and gave me permission to actually (9:29) write better.

And for whatever reason, I didn’t feel like I even had permission to write better. (9:36) I thought I had to be a sucky first novelist, like some of the novels I’ve read, (9:42) when they’re self published. And she was really pushing me to do better.

And I appreciate that. (9:51) I do. The other thing this editor did was she was a little crazy.

And about a third of her feedback (9:59) was wacky and didn’t make sense. And sometimes I wondered if she understood what she was reading. (10:07) I’m like, I would literally read through some of my scenes going, I don’t understand why she’s (10:12) reacting this way.

In that novel, there’s a hurricane scene. It’s not an actual hurricane. (10:21) And it is somewhat autobiographical.

The thing that I described, where this couple runs into (10:29) a city that’s under a hurricane alert is something that I actually experienced. And it was a big (10:37) hurricane. It was Category 5 when that happened in my life.

And she was completely offended by (10:42) this whole scene that was maybe the most autobiographical moment in the whole book. (10:49) And she was telling me it was impossible that that could happen. And I was like, (10:53) this is crazy.

She gave me a 10 point bulleted list about hurricanes and facts, (11:01) including a picture, which was so ironic because I had had that experience. I’ve actually been in (11:09) a hurricane in Costa Rica when I lived there. That was the wackiest.

There were some other points, (11:15) parts of her feedback that were a little wacky too. But I think the fact that that was a little (11:20) bit over the top helped me identify the other over the top pieces. What I did with that hurricane (11:27) scene, I mean, again, I have to say it was not a hurricane, but what I did with that hurricane (11:33) scene is make it more clear what was happening.

I actually fictionalized it more because if you (11:39) can imagine when you’re actually approaching a city that’s under a hurricane alert, by surprise, (11:48) you don’t know a lot, especially if you’re in a foreign country and it’s hard to know a lot. (11:55) And in this case, I had to fictionalize it so that the reader would know a little bit more than I did (12:01) so that they could actually believe what was happening. Isn’t that funny? Anyway, (12:06) so the feedback was good.

I learned from it. I think I made that part of it a little tighter. (12:12) Nobody has really complained about that scene to me since.

And so a third of it was wacky. (12:20) A third of her feedback was really good, like really solid, like really helped me become a (12:28) better writer. And then a third of it was kind of give or take.

I could take her feedback and (12:35) if I wanted to be better that way, or if I wanted to include something like that, (12:39) I could, or I could just leave it and leave it the way I wanted it because it could go either way. (12:48) And that might be confusing. Like I didn’t have an editor who I just trusted everything that they (12:53) said.

In the end, that was good for me because it got me really clear about the kind of novel that I (12:59) wanted to write. I could look at feedback that was wacky and set it aside. I could look at feedback (13:07) that was really good and I could see what’s going to make me better and use it.

And then I could (13:12) even discern within the feedback that was borderline what I wanted. And that was a real (13:20) gift that it really helped me become clearer. I do not think that Dear Mexico, I Love You is (13:25) the perfect novel.

I do think it is entertaining and fun. And from my perspective, the first novel (13:34) that I needed to write. In some ways, that’s why it was important that I made the calls because (13:39) I needed to write that novel that way.

And the other thing that I learned from (13:45) this experience with this editor was that the best thing that I would tell any writer they (13:51) can do if they want to become a better writer is to write their best version, their best version (13:59) of a novel, which is not something that I had done because I was in this sort of dreamlike state of (14:04) just having fun, but the best version of their novel, and then taking it to an editor and having (14:11) the editor give you feedback. A real life experienced editor. That was more valuable (14:19) than any of the writing classes I’ve ever taken in my whole life.

Even if it was a little wacky, (14:25) it helps me by degrees move forward in my writing and to even develop a really critical eye for my (14:33) own writing, like to even understand that, okay, I’m in this fun phase, I’m in, and I’m just having (14:39) fun and I’m writing and I’m in the flow. That’s one part of creativity. The next one is an editor (14:44) phase where you’re just kind of looking at it more objectively and deciding if it needs something, (14:50) where you want to go with it, what’s the vision for this work, and even like the proofing phase (14:54) where it’s all details, which is really my weakness anyways.

But in the end, having gorgons (15:02) in your life, people that you can look at who can give you their opinions, (15:06) objective or not, can really help you grow. As long as you are ready for it. That’s the big thing (15:15) is knowing when you’re ready.

And I would never ever tell somebody to go get an editor if they (15:21) were feeling too vulnerable in their creativity to get that kind of feedback. If all they really (15:26) wanted was validation, like a toddler needs validation, learning how to play with others (15:32) and walk, then I would never say go get somebody who’s going to criticize the hell out of your (15:38) walking. It’s when you’re ready, go find the gorgons, because that will make you better.

(15:48) Thank you for spending this time with me and for spreading the word about creative and curious. (15:53) You can find me here every Thursday with new thoughts and insights on creativity, (15:56) curiosity, and life. And tell me what you think.

Email me with your comments and questions at (16:03) Marika at Marikarenki.com. And if you feel inclined, leave a review. They mean the world to me. (16:10) And they’ll help this podcast reach people just like you.

And the best thing you can do. (16:16) Keep creating. Thanks again.